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My Daughter Hannah

-Anais Nin

My daughter Hannah is someone worth knowing.

She would change your life for the better if you took the time to truly
know her and be a friend.

Sadly, there is just a handful of people who see the Hannah I know. It
seems most people don't have the time to look past the disability and see the bright, loving five-year-old spirit that is Hannah.

Happily, despite the challenge she has communicating Hannah will try to offer you her gift of friendship. She is a kid who will fearlessly approach strangers and strike up a conversation - which is such an act of courage and achievement on her part if you knew her medical background and the belief by some professionals she would never talk.

"Hannah, fall down bike. Missing tooth." That's her standard opening line that is all too often greeted with stunned silence. Hannah will always
persevere and will then use sign language to explain "bike." Her little
fists makes circles in front of her and she'll look up to see if her
communication attempt is working. It's amazing to me how quickly Hannah can assess when she is accepted for who she is...at that moment she is simply a child who would have wonderful stories to share if the person is willing to see Hannah and not her disability.

Despite her challenges, in the end she is a just a little girl who wants to
connect with others. A child who loves to play ball, who loves to sing
nursery songs, who loves to ride her scooter and who loves to run. Boy does she love to run. She is a child who will coin her own words like "tookie tookie" and think it is hilariously funny.

Yes, she is "special needs" - a term with so much negative connotation
attached to it in our society but if you truly knew Hannah you wouldn't see the negative. You would see how her being non-typical makes her friendship so much more of a gift. There is something almost magical about Hannah and the way she can change your life if you take time to connect with her spirit.

And what a spirit she has that is trying hard to overcome her disability.
Hannah constantly amazes me with the ingenious ways she comes up with to get her communication understood. She'll lead you by the hand to point out something she wants to talk about, she'll use me to fill in the words she can't say by stopping her story and requesting "mommy talk." She'll mime, use sign language, or point to a picture. Yes, it takes her longer to get the stories told and they are not grammatically correct. They frequently need a bit of guesswork on the listeners' part, but every time she tells one I am filled with pride.

My nine-year-old daughter Chloe noticed the other day how I always stop what I'm doing to listen to one of Hannah's stories and asked me why I don't always do that for her. She is right, of course. When I'm not with Hannah it is so easy to slip into old habits shared by many in this busy world and not take the time for what is important. Chloe's observation reminds me Hannah's disability - which is something I
initially viewed as a negative - is actually a positive experience in my
life and the lives of those who truly know Hannah.

She makes us slow down and really listen. She makes us confront how we view others who are different from ourselves. She teaches us that to be different is not a bad thing. She makes us so much more accepting of what is happening right now and let go of how we think things ought to be.

I used to grieve for the fact I had a child with a disability. But I don't
anymore. The moments I truly accept Hannah for who she is are moments of pure joy. I don't see the disability when I talk with Hannah. We communicate just fine together. I just see Hannah. I wish others would too.

Kim Pemberton, August 2001
kpemberton@pacpress.southam.ca

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