The human soul needs beauty even more than it
needs bread.
D. H. Lawrence
The night was warm and clear. She could taste the condensing dew,
sweet and moist and refreshing after the hot sun. It was the first
such night in almost a month. Not that Julia would have realized.
She hadn’t wanted out of the hospital in several months. For all
she knew or likely cared, all days and nights since then were the
same.
When you lose your voice, you start drifting inward and days
turning to nights are not the important markers. Instead, life;
institutional life, your life is measured in eight hour periods, by
shifts of personalities. By groupings of people some who see, some
who won’t and some who can’t. See you that is. Your fright, your
anger, your preferences, your longings, your essence.
Who you used to be doesn’t matter, in her case micro-biologist,
wife, daughter, book illustrator, cat lover, kayacker. Before her
suffering, her usefulness depended on what she did. She was a verb.
Her being depended on her doing. Now her being was simply being. She
was a noun. Confined she had no choice. Confined to the hospital and
confined to silence, she confined herself to her room.
Later as it blackened, the stars emerged bright and surprisingly
abundant considering she was in the middle of the city, at Jericho
Beach, at the Vancouver Folk Festival. A festival she thought she
might have to miss. She had always attended faithfully; first as a
volunteer, then with Michael. Then with multiple sclerosis. Then it
didn’t matter.
When it didn’t matter she rediscovered Buddhism. At last a
glimpse that her new life, her ‘noun-ness’ had worth. And
through the Personal Network, Michael had arranged for her, she met
Pat, PLAN’s oldest and wisest facilitator. Pat could see. Through
Pat she renewed her connection to three Buddhist friends. And in
renewing their commitment to her, they introduced her to the British
folk/blues singer, Christine Collister, who truly has what the
London Times described as, ‘a voice personally delivered by God.’
Christine’s best friend lived in Vancouver, was a Buddhist and
part of Julia’s Network. Christine came to visit and gave an
impromptu concert in Julia’s room. In that place that had made her
a noun, her four walls hummed, catching the essential vibrations of
the earth, still alive. Being there in that moment, abandoning all
memories and expectations, was the truth of her existence, is the
truth of our existence. With apologies to John Keats, ‘Being is
truth and truth is being; That is all ye know on earth and all ye
need to know.’
"When words fail, music speaks", wrote Hans Christian
Anderson. The Class Four rapids of Julia’s MS had submerged her
voice and were washing away her body controls. The chord struck that
afternoon did not change Julia’s condition nor her living
environment. Christine could not be a life saver. But her
spontaneous and very simple act of generosity reminded Julia to savour
life and all its extraordinary moments. And that is Julia’s
gift to us. The ordinary is already enlightened. That is all we know
and all we need to know.
In fact the inspiration lasted longer. Drinking deep from the
splendour of Christine’s beautiful voice, Julia enlisted Pat’s
help and arranged to leave the hospital for the day. Which is why at
sunset on July 15, 2021 she sat waiting for Christine Collister’s
main stage performance.
I am told the Buddha taught that morality reveals the true beauty
of a person. That makes sense to me because the other kind of beauty
doesn’t last. In this instance we had a moral beauty pageant.
Starting with Julia’s courage and resilience, Michael’s loyalty
and commitment and Pat’s caring. Continuing with Julia’s network
and their hospitality and hospital staff convinced to entrust Julia
to their hands for the day. And concluding with the unselfish grace
of Christine Collister who mid way through her performance divinely
noted the presence of a long time folkie and new Buddhist friend.
That, dear reader, is the kind of beauty which will nourish any
soul and which perhaps is all any of us should expect or seek.
Al Etmanski
September, 2000